Current List.

I think I made one of these a few years back gonna have to go look and see later.  See how much has changed.

Goals
Finish School                          
Get a good job
Buy a place
Buy newer car
Become Safe and Secure
Live peacefully and Happily

Desires
Learn Piano
Get a 70D, 5DmkII, 1DmkIII, or a 7D...mmm
Learn to Sing
Get New Computer
Get a Bike (Motorcycle)
Get a Car
Get a Job
Move
Gain 20 more lbs
Continue Training
Stay Single fo eva

Must Do's
Stay Motivated

Yup that's all I got for now, Desires come and go so wonder what I'll desire next month or next year...Hopefully get rid of some of these soon.

     Sometimes my age and lack of development discourage me on things, well pretty much everything heh.  27 and just now finally going to finish my English 101 class.  I took English 101 for the first time back in 2000 at SJSU, I was one of the best students in the class, that was until I got sick.  I even went to class while sick, but then when my throat bulged out a few inches on each side, making me look like a dying toad, my teacher told me to go to the school hospital and get checked out.  Leading to my 3.5 month absence from school altogether.  Coming back just in time to finish the last three weeks of school ALL my teachers told me that I missed too much school and they were going to fail me.  I still went and took my final for English, figured out all the assignments for my Art classes, tried to get assignments for my other classes but the teachers wouldn't let me make them up.  I passed my 3 or so art classes, even though my teachers took me aside and told me I should drop out of school and change my major because I did not have the right mind set for school, and especially not for an Art major.  They definitely impacted my life.  I sat in my English class the day of the final took the final, got an A on the final, but I missed too many classes that my teacher told me I failed no matter what anyway.  Yay...English is already my worst class, and that was back when I was still fresh with English straight out of high school.
     After leaving school because of my destroyed ego, and listening to all the people tell me how much of a failure I was, especially my mother who had been saying it at least since I started high school, I came back home.  Enrolled into community college and tried all over again.  I was doing well, but once again had to drop out due to work this time.  New job, new bills, new boss who wouldn't let me finish the last few weeks of class.  So drop out I did.  Failing most of my classes yet again.  Repeat this trend a few times over the course of 5 or so years and I finally gave up.  Figuring maybe the teachers were right, maybe school wasn't for me.  Maybe I could be ok with just being a fialure.  Working full time, living on my own, making my own money, paying my bills, not really making enough to eat or take care of my gf...yeah pretty much a failure.
     I remember when I was finally kicked out of Community College the last time because I had to drop classes past the withdrawl deadline, resulting in more failed classes. I was afraid of losing my gf because of my lack of education, or my lack of being able to continue my education.  So I enrolled in Art school...stupidest mistake I have ever made.  While the school was amazing, and I learned a lot about art for the quarter and a half I was there. A $10,000 tuition fee for a quarter and a half was definitely not worth it. I took English during this time again.  Got an A in pretty much all my classes, including English.  Too bad it wasn't worth anything.  Even if I had completed the school, it wouldn't have counted for anything, vocational schools are a joke.  Well not really, but they are if you're wanting to go to graduate school for anything.  The BA/BS you get at most don't count to real colleges so IF you wanted to go back, you'd just have to start back at the beginning.
    Years go by, failure becomes acceptable, diffusion and redirection take over.  Easier to redirect depression of being a failure, or being seen as a failure by the people you care about by just acting stupid or evil.  Easier to make people believe you really are that lazy, stupid, insensitive, rather than have them know you cannot do what you want or have them just view you as a failure because you haven't done the simple things that most people do.
    Weird that it took another form of art to even realize that's what I was doing.  Method acting is basically self physcology.  Figuring out everything about yourself so you can bring anything out when you need it to act.  Having to first destroy yourself to get to the point where everything becomes clear.  Sad that I took too long to realize all this.
     Now at 27 years old, back in school again for the umpteenth time.  Since January of '09 taking classes with a definitive goal.  Funny how the few people who found out I was going back had no faith.  All laughed and said "Yeah well we'll see how long that lasts."  It was an expected response, which is why I didn't tell hardly anyone.  Probably because I wasn't even sure in myself.  How could I expect to change so drastically.  9 years since I graduated high school and I still could barely call myself a sophmore in college? I haven't even completed most of the core classes that I should have done my first year of College.  English, Math, Physics, Psychology, History, etc all the classes that I should have just gotten out of the way in the beginning. Instead I took the fun ones, Art, Philosophy, Language, Fencing etc.  Luckily it's never too late as they say.  Too bad it sometimes feels like it may already be too late.  Would be easier if everyone in class wasn't 17-20...-_-

San Diego Asian Film Festival took place the past couple weeks.  I unfortunately missed almost every single bit of it...grrrr.  I was looking forward to attending this year.  I hadn't been to it in a few years and the last couple times I went it was a lot of fun.  I wanted to see a few films including "White on Rice" but nooooo. Heh anyway thanks to Grace on here I found out it was still going on.  Unfortunately I still couldn't make it to many of the shows, but I did set away to see Ip Man, the closing ceremony film.

I invited DY, Tommy and Wilder to come along when I saw them last weekend during some practice we were doing.  It was a long trek for them, one I make frequently, but I'm crazy they're not heh. So I wasn't sure if they would make it.  Next problem, the day of the film, thursday I heard the film was already sold out.  I rushed down to the theatre and bought tickets for everyone...sold out my butt, it was packed though.

We got in, but we were a bit late so we got stuck in the front three rows.  Still seeing Ip Man on the big screen was well worth it.

Only shot I got from inside the event...dark lighting = blurry photo from my old crappy point and shoot.

After the film I took the guys out to eat at a late night Ramen shop in San Diego named Tajima.

Oh yeah was a couple nights before Halloween so people were trickling in in costumes...


And thus concluded our thursday night of food and moviery.